Are you happy?

It's a question that I've asked many friends. A oh so complex but simple question:

Are you happy?

Very rarely people answer without hesitation. Hesitate, 'Yes'. Hesitate, 'No'

It's very telling that little pause.

I read the happiness article in the New York Times today and it took me back to my master's thesis: conspicuous consumption, subjective well-being, hedonist adaption. And it got me thinking: I wonder if I can make some sort of career out of this topic. It's waaay too interesting.

Actually along the same lines, not to long ago a guy asked me what I would want to do with my life if I weren't working. Traveling I responded. He said, 'Well why don't you do it for a living then? Have a show, write a blog, do what you love and make money while you do it.' And I didn't quite know how to respond. Because one part of me would love to do that. However, I can think of a laundry list of complications and excuses not to do that. I also experience a tug in the direction of my current occupation; I'm like a fish on a fishing line: I can pull free but it would hurt like hell.

I think it is two fold, three fold. Part of it is that I know I am not as proactive as I can and should be. Another part is perhaps the insecurity that comes with 'following a dream'. But I do believe that a large chuck of my hesitation is that I think I have so much to learn still, and so many skills to hone, which can be accomplished in the corporate world before I vagabond as a profession. Furthermore, I wonder if exploring the world would be as much fun if my survival depended on it. To have to have a set itinerary, so make sure that I set up interviews and catch certain festivals. To have a fixer guiding me about, it takes a certain aspect of spontaneity out of the adventure. But perhaps I'd experience even more. Perhaps.

But let me get back on track. Am I happy? Yes or No? I'd say without hesitation, a big resounding YES. How could I not be? I'm experiencing so many new adventures (the current one being a career adventure...whaaaat). I'm meeting interesting people. I have travel in my future. But I suppose those are just instances of happiness. For me, what I think happiness is, is an eagerness to discover the new, the unknown, to see beauty in the unconventional, and to have a certain optimism while doing so. I've always said that if I were to have a motto, it would be 'No regrets.' And I believe that I live by it. Another motto taken from my favorite mystery story series, is 'As my whimsy takes me'. Grand words indeed.

I messaged my aunt the article, because I thought it was something she would be interested in. Of course she beat me to the punch and had already posted it to her Facebook. I suppose in a sense, regarding happiness, we are similar. She added to my suppositions, that everyone has happy moments, sad moments, angry moments, bored moments but being an innately happy person goes beyond these moments. It's an inner feeling that one just feels, just is. I think it's quite conceptual myself, hence difficult to define for many people.

So my question to you is are YOU happy?

(p.s. I've been going through old pictures. Here's one from high in the sky of Queens/Long Island water ways. Beautiful)